Candy Corn

This is the stuff that has been made by the gods - these little triangles of goodness.

Add comment November 3rd, 2008 socialShots

Manic…Monday

State boards time. Got to put on my thinking cap.

That’s all for now.

Add comment June 26th, 2008 socialShots

Summer Games, 2008

So - the weather is getting warmer and I’m driving around with my car windows down more often. This has been my typical pattern for years and getting me to turn on the air conditioning is getting harder and harder.

And - for the second or maybe third year in a row - I’m playing my summer game. Actually, it’s not a game at all and the rules of very simple.

It goes…
If a car pulls up next to me playing shitty music louder that what I’m playing my own shitty music at - I look at them; catch their eye - then I roll up my window - use a dry erase markers and draw a frowny face, a plus sign, and then a music note.

Guys are suckers for this. They always look at chicks when they are being looked at. To bad they get a face full of confusion.

Most people laugh. Some people give me the finger. Other people pretend it didn’t happen at all.

Ideally, I’d like to get a megaphone attached to the roof of my car; but those things are expensive and there is this little thing about them being..legal or something. Who knows.

Add comment May 28th, 2008 socialShots

Still..I have nothing important to say

stilllife companionship
a moment in time captured
erasable and correctable
at the authors digression
how much have i lost electronically
this space gets filled with paper
large and small squares
documenting my time here
ruined by electronic print
wasted. wasted. wasted.
somber mood - i’ve chosen
to describe my current loss
of what i do not know
my children won’t see this
this has no value as history
we’re dealing with purely abstract
bits. bites. coded. nothing.
cheaper means. cheaper people.
they describe the world
pixilated images of grandeur
its worse then seeing it
their speeches and speculations
did i go to that party; no
i’d rather be savage here
tiny text on a screen
its soothing this way; my way
i’m not fed anything i don’t like
my needs are not apparent
my life is perfect as i want
i make my own choices
there is no late breaking news
only what i let in
only what i put out
people tell me things
about myself too
they sense a lack of concept
my disconnection from media
oddness of beats marched
a speech of my own
garbled words produced
how i feel they should be
this is old speak i have here
this is my time; not planned in sitcom slots
i used to ask why it happened
how could this be considered me
now i asked how did it happen
how could this be considered them

Add comment May 21st, 2008 socialShots

“There” might be a bad place.

In 2001 – I took a creative writing class. I do not remember anything about it, asides from the fact that I was told that I might have some talent “there” and that more than one of my stories were read to the class. The only problem is, I have never figured out where “there” was – nor the most direct path of arrival. Since then, I suppose I have came up with my own obstacle course, full of misplaced and half-thought out bench marks, making a loop that resembles a mathematical symbol that has given me more than one nightmare.

Yet, I must say, I’ve only made it around this path a couple of times. I have periods where I am very creative and then I hit a slump, a low point, where the thought of finding beauty in another word – mine or others – makes me want run. During creative times, I almost feel guilty for putting my energies there, because, I should be doing something more ‘constructive’. But ‘constructive’ is such a damnable word to me, because it could be everything and nothing. It is as if I am torn by a moral dilemma that does not reflect my values. I’m sure there are gracefully long words that could describe this abstract feeling, but I’m to damn stubborn to look them up. And, even if I did find them, I’d never shout them out.

So – I sat many bench marks and I’ve met some of them to one degree or another. One random bench mark that I sat was to create a way to describe an explanation point ( ! for beginners) using only the vocabulary that I had. Of course, this seemed like an easy task, until I stared at the words “A line with a dot under it” and decided that there was something better that could be done. I ended up with something along the lines of…

laborious extension creeping its way downwards,
singular and never faulting with its mission
coming to rest over the pivotal point,
. a single dot becoming so much more with its addition;
this has nothing to do with expression.

I’ve never been huge on the explanation point, but I think that little banter gives it just enough substance to create a picture. I also wanted it to serve as a reminder that you just should not use those things everywhere. I mean, god damn. Seeing one in a mundane memo is like tossing a handful of glitter in my face at a funeral.

One that has had me stumped for awhile has to do with a picture. It is not a picture of grandeur – It wasn’t even worth enough to save on my HD – but, it got caught in my head. It was a picture of a woman sitting in a chair, in a kind of dusty room. What I remember about this picture is the way that it just looked, hot. Not hot, as in sexy-time, but hot as in, you knew it was about 108 degrees where the woman was sitting. There was not a bit of yellow in the picture, but it had the feeling of thick, hot, damp yellow blanket pressing down over the whole scene. That is, in essence, what I would want to create with words. I very much, want to move others the way I was moved by that photograph.

And – that is what I want to do with my writing. Perhaps I’m just startin’ once again on heading towards the ‘there’ that that professor mentioned.

Add comment May 12th, 2008 socialShots

Skittles Vodka - How to Quickly

Step 1. Buy stuff.
What I bought for this was…

1 Jumbo Bag of Skittles - 41 oz to be exact which cost $5.00 at Wal-Greens. Comes with a free shot of insulin so you won’t go into a diabetic coma before you reach the bottom.

1 Funnel - something skinny, cause you have to shove it in a bottle. Auto-Zone had a whole rack of funnels. I got mine in purple and it only cost a $1.28 - sweet.

2 bottles of mid-priced vodka. Do not be tempted by Dark Eyes or any of that lower quality stuff. You want people to be able to DRINK what you make, not remove the paint off of their walls. I went with Smirnoff, and got wild enough to try the flavors. This cost $28.00 - which isn’t the cheapest - but a lot better than the alternatives. I have a lot of mercy.

Strainer - I could have bought cheese cloth or something or another, but I know from years of baking - that an old cotton t-shirt works just as well. I found something clean, cut it up, washed it and sat it out to dry. You want two strips, long as you can make them (or you’ll suffer later - if you make them two short.)

Step 2: Sorting

Sort out the colors you want. I sorted out the lemon and orange ones for this project. The rest just get to hang out in the bowel to be eaten at the party.

Step 3: OH YEAH
So for the next part, I cracked the bottles and poured some of the vodka over the Skittles I had laid out. I mixed them round and a round with a spoon deshellin’ the yummy candy coating and getting the lovely colors. This takes awhile. I would let them soak, come back, stir, soak, and so on. As I was nearing the point to dump them into bottles, this is what the color looked like.

Step 4: Easy does it.
Get a large glass, fill up up with Vodka, and put it aside, this is used later. Put some plastic wrap over it.

So, once your candies start getting this uniform creamy color - you can place the filter over the bottle top, insert the filter and slowly pour the liquid into the funnel. Try to avoid dumpin’ the candies into the filter. They will clog your funnel and make this process slow…

If as your pourin’ the rate slows, lift your funnel just enough to tug the filter over a little (another reason cloth works better - holds up better than cheese cloth). This is ’cause the sugar from the candy will block the filter from time to time.

Once you get the first in, use some of the vodka sat aside and pour it over the candies and stir it up. You’ll get more color of out them. Repeat this till your soul hurts or the liquid is just a faint color.

As you near the end of the road with the candies - they end up lookin’ like these sad little things.. This is how you know your done.

Step 5: Finished Product
Ok, this smells, looks, and tastes pretty good.

—Side notes
If you get whitish colored floaters - that means you let to much sugar get into the booze. Just filter it again to rid of it. It’s harmless and if you shake the bottle nobody notices it…so drink up.

And remember: Don’t Drink and Drive.

Add comment May 9th, 2008 socialShots

There is only one sure way to…

So, what will I remember about the past couple years. Well, of course I will remember nursing school. I will remember this last day of finals followed by a few days of clinicals. I will remember getting engaged. There are so many things I will remember and misremember as the years go on…

But, when I look back, in a few years, I’ll have that little grin on my face, because, I found the most wonderful poster on StumbleUpon - oh yes - it merely said, “Design Will Never Be Art”

I will think about how painfully close I came to confusing the two and then shake my head in that little way that I have about me.

On the plus side, I have to find something cool to do for a screen printing class. I believe this class spans over the length of six weeks and I’m not sure if it is going to be cloth or posters. I thought I had a lot of ideas about what I wanted to do, however, I was mistaken. I thought about transferring something of my own - but then - suddenly I remember all jazz that I did was just stuff to pass high school classes. Shit.

I’ll think of something.

Add comment April 28th, 2008 socialShots

Everyone..loves the cock.

So - I had to make cookies for a birthday party. These cookies are in high demand, ’cause, they are good (I wouldn’t say that unless I could get some back up). I typically only make them for Christmas Cookie Exchanges. I’m a cheap ass so, instead of some superficial dollar gift*, I put hard work and effort into cookies - using the same recipe my Grandmother used. I make a verity of cookies, but these are always the ones that people tell me they like.

Having made a limited number this year, due to time frames, not everyone got them in their basket - so I’ve heard some whine about it.

Then came a chance to make it up to those poor, poor souls that had to go without cookie-love this year. A party..for a guy..that was pot luck..with the theme of red food.

I got out my cock cookie cutter and went to work.

This photo clearly shows: Love. Of the Penis.

Birthday boy himself. Look at the cupping!

Looks like a pro there.

And this guy with his battle face on.

So - the night was good. There was a lot of red stuff there. Hope nobody panics and thinks their colon is bleeding…well, wait since the beer of choice was PBR…that may actually occur. Asides from noting that box cake is fucking so not like handmade cake to some snippy chick with a dike cut, it was all good.

Hopefully these cats will come play on my special day. It’s same place as last year, with even more people joinin’ the birthday crew. Maybe Dungeon Bud will try to break his own record this year for speed that it takes a drunk man to tumble down a couple flights of stairs.

And I’ll threaten another bouncer when he yells at me for taking my drink outside.

*Girls, I hate those shitty jar candles that smell like “Lab Scent 17″ - and why do I get so many? Do you think I’m trying to light my house up so it can be seen from outer space? You can do better. I like click pens. Black only.

Add comment April 15th, 2008 socialShots

Oh, nursing school, nursing school

Thank you, school of nursing for all the stress you have caused me this year. Inside my stomach I have an ulcer the size of a quarter. Every time I take a crap, I now stare at the contents and have a mental debate of if it is tarry or just appears tarry from my steady diet of junk food and caffeine.

Also, thank you for the additional 30 pounds. I mean, I could take the 30-60 minutes three times a day to prepare a meal that isn’t full of failure, or, I could eat something in my car on the way to/from campus/clinical/home so I can study. Looks like I had to study. A great deal.

Oh, and the text books. Wow. I now have a sexy collection of doorstops in textbook form. These books are also great for pressing flowers. Sure, they all have hot nursing titles, the newest editions, and companion workbooks that were required for the test. I’m still puzzled at why I even bothered after the second semester. Oh nursing school, thank you, for wasting what little money I am able to earn between my devoted time to you. Sure, nursing school, you told me these would teach me great things. Guess what? I actually paid attention the first time - so in the later uses I didn’t need 5 more books to teach me the same exact things. Thanks, but no thanks. The two books I learned the most from I bought at the annual $1.00 book sale.

And I would also like to thank nursing school for showing me around the mid-west area. Oh, silly nursing school. How would I have ever learned how to drive to Chicago in the worse snow storm ever (later declared a natural disaster..) and wreck my car if it wasn’t for your wise guidance and threats of failing me for the year if I was more than FIVE minutes late for clinical? A clinical in which the hours were defined, but the professor ’suggested’ we show up early? Oh, thank you, for the $42 increase to my tri-monthly car insurance bill. I don’t know how to thank you for this.

Nor, nursing school, will I ever forget how I, a student nurse, was treated as a second class citizen. Sure, I know I am here for an educational experience, to fine tune my nursing skills, but you know, how about I act in the capacity of an nursing aide. I always enjoyed knowing I paid tuition to work free at local hospitals. Oh, hey, this patient just flooding the bed because the institutional nursing staff decided to wait till the student nurses arrived before they dumped a gallon of golytely down that PEG tube, promptly followed by enemas. Wow. Thank you. I never would have learned how to clean up the entire bowel contents of a 400lb person without your gentle touch and guidance.

Oh, Nursing school, how I have loved you and every professor on staff, most of which had their own little personality flaws. I remember the time I had an instructor from another clinical threaten to fail me because I was making up a day. I love all the drama, last minute changes, and inflexibility you have to offer.

And nursing school, thank you for destroying my GPA. Who needs a 3.5 or above anyway? Sure, nursing school, I know you just want me to pass the the NCLEX so bad that you are willing to tilt the curve, knock off the weak links, and make the test nearly impossible. I know that your not going to take questions from the 50 chapters over 3 subjects the test covers, but rather whatever book remotely related to the topic at hand in NCLEX format. Oh, dear nursing school, I caught on to your ways. I could start my own testing company with the bulk of books I have bought outside of those costly, stupid text you made me buy.

Nursing school, keep asking me to go see my mentor. The lady who is as anonymous to me as I am to her. When I magically appear in her office (when she keeps her hours) and she has to shuffle though her list to figure out exactly who I am and my reason to be there, just know that you’ve made that a special experience for me. My heart over flows with the attention to details and individuality that this inspires. I’m so glad that I can help ensure the mentor is able to make a little check next to my name as she asks me if I have any issues. Oh, I do nursing school, but the response is always the same across the board, “Who are you going to complain to when your taking NCLEX” - apparently nobody. Thanks for teaching me that. It has put me at ease knowing that the only support system is one that I have created though friends, co-workers, and fellow disgruntled nursing students.

But, you know what nursing school. I’m almost done. I already have a couple years of experience of working on a hospital unit with real patients. I know you don’t want to give me no credit for this. I know that the skills I have learned there, you will display as me being taught though you. I’ve taken notice of every positive comment that I have received and watched you pat yourself on the back. That’s alright nursing school. You have given me the basis and I have expanded it.

The legacy you have embedded me with, nursing school, is to be a strong person. It isn’t though your well attended studies that taught me this, but rather your extreme hostility and indifference. I’ve learned how to take a lot of crap and endure it. I learned that the hidden curriculum does not end at high school. I learned that expanding my mind costs money, time, and suppression of ideas. I’ve learned I can find better role models outside of your walls.

For every professor that has read me PowerPoint slides, failed to see why a question was in conflict with what they taught, or threatened me, I will and am going to rise above. I wish I could say you would never see me again, but don’t worry, I’ll be around.

Thank you. Oh nursing school, thank you for all these beautiful things.

Add comment December 13th, 2007 socialShots

It’s back

But I’m really not. I’ve been busy with school. I should be studying - instead I am wasting time here. Isn’t the web wonderful!

Add comment October 24th, 2007 socialShots